Most days I regret being single. I see all those disgustingly happy couples on the oval holding hands and kissing, completely infatuated with each other, and it makes me sick. It really brings me down because then I start to think, “Oh ya, no one likes me.” I just want to throw things at them like an enraged fan from an opposing team. You are the enemy! You must be destroyed! But then I watched Tough Love: Couples and I remembered all the misery of being in a relationship. I mean these people are messed up! They found the most dysfunctional couples and made an hour-long misery montage which documented a compilation of all their issues. I felt like I was entering a broken home on a train derailed to divorce.
Some of these couples haven’t even had sex in months. Paul and Danielle are one example. She blames his mega metro attitude. In that case, why bother staying together? You aren’t attracted to him and no ones getting laid. GET OUT! Get out now! Its clear some of these couples are tolerating their poor relationships out of the fear of exiting the comfort zone established from the stability of being in a relationship. They know if they break up, they’ll have to be single like me! Wrestling with the uncertainty of the future.
The best example of this “fear of being single” dynamic is “The High-school Sweethearts” (Dustin and Courtney). We all know you don’t like each other any more. You admit you live like roommates. This might be acceptable if you were 45, but you’re too young for the relationship to have gone old. I know they’ve been dating for 8 years, but maybe they should react to this uncertainty they are feeling and stop playing it so safe. Live a little!
The foil to this couple would have to be Mario and Christina: “The Mistrutfuls”. This couple seems like they came straight from the Jersey shore house. Steve even had to comment on Christina’s trashy demeanor. Ouch! And Mario confessed he had a happy ending from some sleazy massage parlor. He also admits he can’t imagine having sex with only one person for the rest of his life. Woa! Red flag! This man is not yet marriage material. He probably won’t be ready to settle down for another ten years when he’s in his late 30’s. Which is a shame, because I actually think these two are good together. Maybe Steve can have a talk with Mario’s penis and they can all work through their issues together.
So I wonder why these couples bother staying together. Then I saw Dennis and Simone exchanging their mock wedding vows and I couldn’t help but shed a tear. I couldn’t believe Dennis was crying when he saw Simone walk down the isle in a wedding dress. And then I remember how hard it is to find someone you love that truly loves you back. It is so rare to find that connection, so incredibly rare. I’m a fan of numbers so let me put it this way: I’ve been enrolled at a school with 50,000 people for 5 years and I have not once been in a loving relationship. So I understand that when you find a relationship that works, you both have to work to make it work. Lots of work… such is life. Nothing good comes easy. But luckily, I’ve found a late-night lover I can always count on, REALITY TV! Ha ha! Catch ya later kids.
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